In this devoted episode, Terence Chatmon, President & CEO of Victorious Family, shares how he has developed a step-by-step family ministry process model that has been implemented in homes on five continents.
You will discover:
– What a family plan is and how to create one for your family
– How to intentionally connect with your family in a stronger way
– How to lead your kids at each age and stage of life
Episode Transcript
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello Hello and welcome welcome once again to the secrets of the high demand coach and I am here with yet another high demand coach who is sure to get you thinking today and that is the one the only Terence Chatmon who has served as a senior executive in leadership roles at Johnson and Johnson, Citibank and Coca Cola ever heard of those tariffs is a transformational leader amongst senior executives and CEOs. He holds a doctorate in humanities from Ohio Christian University, and he’s best known as a change agent for his creative leadership, being able to build transformational sustainable communities and driving Business Essentials across diverse industries. Also, all of that resulting in organizational efficiency and optimize revenue and profit growth. Now, during the past four years, however, Chapman has served as the president of the John Maxwell leadership foundation and equip leadership and is now part of an amazing ministry called victorious families. So we’re gonna dive into all of that in a bit. But, Terrance, I’d love to hear from you. Before we get to all of that. What were you doing before getting into victorious families? And how did that ultimately lead you to make the leap?
Terence Chatmon
You know, it’s great to be here, first of all, Oh, what a wonderful connection again, and to catch up. You know, my I started in corporate America, as you mentioned, you know, with Fortune 500, companies had the good fortune to rise ship to pretty highly executive levels. And, you know, as I think, in the last stint with the Coca Cola Company, and managing about two thirds of the Coca Cola company, and I thought, you know, the Lord would have me complete that route. I’ve been, you know, I had my first business when I was six years old. And so I have a love and passion for the marketplace. But during that time, I felt he was calling me in the ministry, but I want to be a pastor. Another role would be in the past, I just didn’t want to be a pastor. I didn’t feel called to be a pastor. But yeah, I wanted to be obedient. I knew he was used to me in some way. And as I began to pray as to Lord, what were you telling me to do, and what year were you working at John Henry Blackaby always said, if you find out where the Lord’s work in and you join him there, and and what I realized is that although I was a youth director in church, I, we were facing the crises of 75% of children leaving the church after high school. And our kids at that time was between 10 and 15 years of age, and my wife was, and I didn’t want our kids to be part of that test. And so the question we came up with, what are we going to do about it? Well, her question was really more, what are you going to do about? Like, what are you going to do about what’s your church going to do about it? We had abdicated that responsibility to the churches, many parents do. In fact, 83% of parents feel totally inadequate to raise their kids in the Lord. Wow. So her response was, what are you gonna do about it? I said, Well, yeah, let me let me pray through this. And as I began to pray through this and capture that information, I realized that we need to be more intentional in raising our kids in the Lord. And that really what put us on this roadmap of this pathway of family discipleship training?
Scott Ritzheimer
Wow, wow. So a big part of what you do actually had an opportunity to hear you speak. It was unbelievable. I you do workshops for families and companies all over the country. But one of the things that really struck me and it was like, why did this strike me? Because it’s so obvious, but you don’t think of it is? We’ve had lots of folks come on and talk about business plans, right, and the success that you drive with a business plan? I would say if folks don’t have one, they know they need one, right? In the business world, we kind of get that. But I don’t know of many people who have a family plan, at least not in the way that you’ve described it. So what is a family plan? How did you find out about this? And why is it so beneficial for folks listening?
Terence Chatmon
Well, you’re spot on, in fact, less than 1% of Christians have a written spiritual plan. And we are planners as you mentioned, I mean, we have you know, state plans we have would never think to start a business without a business plan. We would never think to start a church without a ministry plan, we would never even think to go on vacation. Without a vacation plan. I don’t know too many people that just gets in the car at whatever place they wherever it takes me. That’s the destination we we are planners. However. When I was kind of growing through this process, I was encouraged to write a life plan. And as I looked at the life plan, I thought, Well, what do we have for the family? What are we being intentional about the family, and during that time with the Lord, it was just it took me to Ephesians six, four, that talked about fathers really speaking to parents on exasperate your children, but to do what to train and instruct them in the Lord and that’s really family discipleship. We say the family is the most important relationship that we have. Everything else is second, third fourth for whatever, and family have always ranked number One, but yet we see a moral spiritual decay in our families today across this nation. And by the way, when I we were, we operate in about 39 countries around the world about 43 states, we see the same thing in on five continents that parents want to do the right thing. But sometimes they just don’t know how. And so what got us into this process was this all started with a personal interests, a personal desire to see my family strong and healthy and flourishing. I had no passion or thought to take this beyond my family. I mean, this was, this was for me, okay. And, and I realized that as the Lord was leading to guide me through just to so long stories, he was connected me with other people and other business leaders, especially an elder business leader who’s talking to me about, you know, I’m doing well, in the office, so to speak, I’m building a strong business, but my family is struggling, and what do I do? And so we began to work with executive leaders who had the passion to do it. Maybe not the time, maybe not the intentionality and we wanted to help him build firms.
Scott Ritzheimer
So now I want to drill in on that group, in particular, because we’ve got a lot of them listening to the show, but you’ve why is it that executively? Leaders, founders owners, why is it that they don’t take that same initiative that they use every day in the office and make a plan at home?
Terence Chatmon
Yes, so let’s look at some of those elements, right, as a business leader, you understand that you need to have a vision, right? You need to identify the destination. And then you know, the mission talks about how to get to that destination, right? And so how do you get there, right? And then you have you begin to build a values around that. So the DNA of the organization and culture of the organization aligns up? Are they their strategic initiatives and tactics, and they so we understand all of those elements of planning. But what happens when it comes to our personal life, what we have to realize is we examine we have to look just like in businesses, what are the gaps, what things we’re not good at? What are the things that we need to have efficiency, so to speak, in the marketplace, but in our families, it’s a little different, right with our executive leader in our in our offices, but at home, we’re the chief janitorial director, you know, where the dishwasher where the garbage, you know, where the waste management and all of that. But here’s, here’s something that’s very important as we look at these elements, what are our true values? What do we really believe versus what we say we believe is really real? What do we really believe about ourselves was what’s our true value? And if we examine our examine our wallets, we examine our checkbooks, we examine our time, we examine, you know, where are we spending those things, to time to talent to treasures and things of that nature, we’ll find it maybe just maybe, we’re not putting as much intentionality into spiritual side of planning of life versus a secular side of life. And then we’d be and then we begin to look at that. But one of the things I want to encourage is that I’m a planner, and I have to think that way and moved out that way. But I want you to know that when we’re when we’re in this life planning process, although we want to focus so much on the destination, I want to encourage us that the Lord is moving and he’s always with us. But he’s moving day by day. It’s just too daunting for us to see the destination. Although we know that destination we know that victory that we already been had, if you’re a Christian, if you’re non Christian, you’re seeking that. And so there’s a void there. But I want to encourage us in the planning process to think day by day, focus my focus in on the marketplace, I always thought focus targeted execution, focused targeted execution. I couldn’t do everything. But I could do a few things really well. I could target on that. And we can execute with with high efficiency. What does that look like at home? In our case, we’re talking focused and prayer focus and reading God’s word, focus on worship, focus and discipling. You know, building a relationship with your children, so that they can fall madly in love with Jesus and how they do that, well, they have to come to a personal relationship with Him. They have to begin to connect with him. They have to begin to read his truth and understand what that looks like they have to begin to worship with others who and commune with others and things like that. That’s why worship is so important. And so what does that look like in your home? That was the key for me.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah. And I would do one more question on that. And I know I shift gears a little bit but oh, what what do you put in a family plan and maybe even what should you not put in a family plan?
Terence Chatmon
Yeah, so we’re going to help you with what is your vision, you know, What’s your destiny? What are you looking for? You know, when your kids are 21 years old? What do you want that when you want that description to be, right? Then the mission, you know how you get there, but values will help you build out those values. What are the true values of your home? What do you desire it to be? And then we look at age and stage, you know, how do you begin to disciple a five year old, which is different than how you disciple a 16 year old, for example, there’s building blocks, and in this process, in zero to five, your kids are, they need and they’re seeking to be loved, spoil them to death, I always say, right, they need hugs, they need affection, they need love, they know that they need to know in that age that they’re loved and cared for in six to 10, they start to need to know that their purpose, and that they matter, they need to be affirmed. And so studies have shown an ordinary lemon to 1516, they’re looking for fun and friendship. And that’s why they’re on the social media and connecting. That’s why teens peer pressure so high, is they look at a need that connectivity, they need that community if you will, and they see it in fun. And you know, they accomplish that and fun and friendship building and things like that. And then when they get you know, older 617, or they think they’re grown, they’re, they’re looking to be either in or interdependent, if you will, they’re not that they know they can’t be dependent, but they don’t want to be their father Chevrolet, they want to be independent. And so if they miss any of those building blocks, there’s a void in their life, and they seek him for the rest of their life. And worldview is being shaped between the ages of three and 14 years of age. So those are the most critical age groups three to 14. And that’s what’s happening within those age groups. So your plan should be thinking about how do you connect with your children between the ages of three and 14, especially, right? And building, you know, kind of specific targets around those those timeframes. And I told you some of those targets and we help you flush that out. And then we look at if b is bigger than you is bigger than just your family, you have to think about others. In fact, in John 17, he talks about his prayer to the Father to the disciples and so forth, and to us was for the people. He came he sacrifice he did those things for the people. He never pray for himself. Yeah, great to do to follow his will he prayed for the disciples, He prayed for us, and those who call? And so he, what is your prayer? So we have a piece in there to talks about adopting a family member, an extended family member? And how does that look like? Basically pray for that family member. And that they would know to come to the Lord. And then we have a piece in here called Family Covenant. What promises are you willing to make as a family to one another? Well, and they can be wherever you want to take that. Now you don’t have to have all of those components. And by the way, it’s not about the plan. What it is, is about the process. And it’s about the fact that you want to connect with your family in a stronger way. And be intentional about it. And let me give you a stat is very important. Remember that 75% of you’ve walked away from the church after high school, we fail. We’ve been doing this now for 15 years working with parents, we trade over 100,000 parents here in the US. And when I think about it, but those who were consistently as we look back on the 10 year, folks have been through our process for 10 years. As we look back on that, instead of 75%, leaving the church after high school, we are seeing a 90% stick factor. Well, 90% are sticking with the faith. After high school, they made leave a little bit but they come back. And they typically definitely come back once they have their first child. And now it all hit some show. If you want to see a 90% stick factor versus a 75% flight factor you may want to tune in.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, that’s so good. So maybe just as quickly as you can, this is a weighted question. But how do you prevent that plan from becoming another dusty document in some pile in your attic? Right? What do you how do you actually put this into action?
Terence Chatmon
Yeah, that’s a great question. You know, well, how do you put any plan into action and keep it fresh, right? We got to live it. We have to walk in the Spirit, we have to live it out. We have to be intentional. For example, you know, what are you? How do you how do you look at your prayer life on a daily basis? He served for fathers to give him the first fruit. What does that look like? Right? So you we have all what he called a rhythm. We have a daily rhythm and so we also have resources for or for our people. So you know, they need to understand what is their daily rhythm? Yeah, what is their energy levels? Right and, and how they use those energy law. What are you doing in the morning, the afternoon and evenings and so we help you with those weekly rhythm, so to speak and daily rhythms, but we built a customized plan for you, that fit within your lifestyle. So, you know, you’re not gonna, you know, we try to change people and all of a sudden we try to make them gym rats and stuff like that, right? They go to the gym about three or four months, and then that’s it, you know, I want to lose 10 pounds, okay, I lost three, I’m good, right? I’m back to doing my old habits. This is habits and you’re building. But this is something different. What you’re saying is, if the father is the highest priority in your life, if that we say that’s the case. And then if you’re married, your spouse, and children do everything else if we truly haven’t in that order. And we’re not given the first fruit to the highest priority that we say in our life that that brings eternity in all this. So think about the sacrifice that he made for us. So at the end of the day, think about let’s take it off the Christianity side, let’s take it to the business side and just regular life. What do we give our first priorities to the brands that love the things that we have passion for the things that we admire and desire, things like that. So if the greatest love that you have is to father when I give him your first fruit, or not organize it. So when we don’t have a busyness problem, we have a prioritization issue. And if we prioritize what I call the temporal versus eternal, we will end up with the temporal. But he says to prioritize something greater. And I believe that this is something greater, what it would what is greater than your spouse and your family. And to see an eternity of proof. I can’t think of anything great, but but maybe they are some things.
Scott Ritzheimer
That’s awesome. So I wanted to piggyback great on that. And there’s a question I like to ask all my guests, and it’s this what is the biggest secret you wish wasn’t a secret at all? What’s that one thing that you wish everybody watching listening today knew?
Terence Chatmon
You know, the biggest secret is that God is your roadmap. You know, I don’t I didn’t want that to be my roadmap. Or, you know, I, I mean, I was a Christian and all of that. But I realized what I really was seeking was recognition, or acknowledgement I was, I was you know, not not really thinking about it achievement and thinking those things. I mean, a excitedly I was a pitcher growing up. And so, you know, as a pitcher, my job was to strike folks out my job was to dominate my job was to lead and, and be the leader of that team. And it is talaga competitive, right? I’m not as competitive as heck, right? Where you go 18 it Oh, and you’re thinking they’re a bad hire. I’m, I’m in disruptive, right. And so you go through that life and as an Executive leader, maybe you know, you’re leading every day 1000s of people in aggressing on your shoulder she’s been through I want people to know that at the end of the day, there’s a welcoming committee. There’s a great welcoming committee that your hand and welcoming committee, you have no control is one that the Lord will be welcoming you and it can you imagine that one day you you meet your most your day you meet your glorious father, and he’s and he turns and he burnt, he says, A welcoming committee to tears comes out and no one comes out. Your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your children, no one comes out. Because you simply have not been faithful on your wall. It’s still going to be a glorious day because you wit your fob. But then I want you to imagine a different day, a day that he says, you know, welcoming community comes out and greet tears for the first time. When your father and your mother, your sister, your brother, your children, your friends, and all the people that you didn’t even know was impacted by what you do, because of the life that you lived, and the way that you loved. Which is a secret sauce love Well, imagine that day and the fruits of a place at the feet of Jesus, your crown should dump your treasures. Is that something worth achieving? Is that something worth giving your time to? I think it is. And that’s why we talk about victorious families of generational impact of loving well, not just a moment. It’s a generational that lifetime. I think it’s worth my investment.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, yeah, that’s so good. So Terence, I know folks are listening to this and just every word is hitting right? It’s just again and again and again. And and so what’s the next step? How do they learn more about the work that you guys do there? Where should they go from here?
Terence Chatmon
Well, there’s a few steps but one go to victoriousfamily.org. We do three things about coaches and trainings, workshops and resources. Check that out, you know look at our free blogs and messaging. Amazing leadership. We call them champions speaking into these topics. Bara just did an amazing topic on teens and how to disciple teens and that’s on our podcasts. You know, just check check out those if Some things but here’s maybe a tip to get started. We have a home kit. It’s a family discipleship home kit. Get it Get what it is this $69.97 made a very reasonable it’s a study guide how to write the plan and walks you through. It gives you critical resources like seven days of prayers, seven days devotional, just kind of a starter kit so to speak, and to get you started and if you want to go deeper, we have workshops and things like that, but maybe that’s the place to store, go to our website, victoriousfamily.org. Get our starter kit home kit. And then if you want to go deeper and you want to give more information, we’d love to connect with you.
Scott Ritzheimer
Fantastic. Well, Terence, just an honor and privilege having you on thank you so much for being here. It’s rare that you get someone who has as much experience and success in both the business and the the nonprofit world helping lead both businesses and families. And it’s a testament to just the way that you go about life and the family plan in your own life. So thanks for doing that. I appreciate you being on the show. For those of you watching, listening, you know your time and attention means the world to us. I hope you got as much out of this conversation, as I know I did and I cannot wait to see you next time. Take care.
Contact Terence Chatmon
Terence Chatmon has served in senior executive leadership roles with Johnson & Johnson, Citibank, and Coca-Cola. Terence is a transformational leader amongst senior executives and CEOs. He holds a doctorate in humanities from Ohio Christian University. He is best known as a change agent for his creative leadership, building transformational sustainable communities, and driving business essentials across diverse industries, resulting in organizational efficiency and optimized revenue and profit growth. During the past four years, Chatmon has served as president of The John Maxwell Leadership Foundation and EQUIP Leadership.
Want to learn more about Terence’s work at Victorious Family? Check out his website at https://www.victoriousfamily.org and get your Family Discipleship Home Kit
today!
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