In this delving episode, Carly Pepin shares how, for over a decade, individuals have come to her to assist them in overcoming their internal roadblocks and shifting their mindset so they can access their innate and authentic leadership.
You will discover:
– The unavoidable role of grief in entrepreneurship and life
– The crucial difference between grief and resentment
– How to properly deal with and clear out grief and resentment
Episode Transcript
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome once again to the secrets of the high demand coach podcast and I am here with an international speaker and consultant who specializes in human behavior. It is the one and only Carly Pepin. Carly emphasizes that the key to fulfilling life lies in utilizing and transforming these stories having devoted her life to mastering the intricacies of human behavior, Carly empowers others to do the same. Through her expertise, she guides individuals in looking beyond the surface and delving into the essence of their being. by uncovering and addressing the deeper issues that hinder personal growth. Carly enables her clients to design their lives with purpose rather than to coming to a life dictated by duty. Wow, Carly dictated by duty review, starting off strong, or we’re going to dive into that in just a second. Because I love that statement. And there’s so much power behind it. Before we get there. I’d love to know, what would you say is some of the most important work that you’re doing for your clients these days?
Carly Pepin
Yeah absolutely. Thank you so much for having me, Scott. And what I love working with clients on is helping them get genuinely aligned with the things that they love to do, you know, which actually kind of dives right into the duty. When we’re living by shoulds have to suppose to use moss, we can waste decades of our lives procrastinating and beating ourselves up on things that we think we should have done, but we haven’t ever started. The reality is, is that I have certainty. When you are living by things that you would love to do want to do, you wake up every day, and you do it no matter what. And so one of the greatest things that I help clients with is ensuring that they are aligned with those aspects of their life. Because when they are, that’s when the why is big enough, and they just make things happen. So that’s genuinely the most important thing that I can help individuals with.
Scott Ritzheimer
You mentioned should and and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. I feel like that’s a bigger thing than it ever has been. I think there’s an element of it’s just human condition, right. But I think with the access that we have to information and other people’s stories, right, there’s more room for comparison against either other people or some idea like this is what a great leader is everybody should do this, would you agree with that, that it’s at its height at higher now than ever?
Carly Pepin
Absolutely. And it actually it’s been around for quite some time. But because we have more access to more individuals, we’re starting to get those shirts and posters with individuals we never were able to reach before. So you will notice when we had less social social media, you’re gonna shut yourself according to your family, to your teachers, to everyone that you meet in person. We’re now we have all of the social media access, we have YouTube, right? We’re watching all these videos, we’re connecting with people worldwide, and it increases to a greater degree. And that is the comparison to the outside world of the ideal that we think we’re meant to be as opposed to embracing the individual, we would love to be when we think about leadership, when we think about that authenticity and business people. And this is beautiful, too. Because when people sign up to work with you, in a business, the most engaged employees are not just signing up with you, but they’re signing up with your vision. And then they start utilizing language like we love to do this, right. This is our business, they’ll call it ours because they’re so engaged. And they’ve taken that level of responsibility. When you hear employees saying like I my right, and really focused on themselves. They’re not engaged in you or your business, part of helping. I mean, there’s many things, but part of getting people engaged in your business is you better be authentic, as that leader within it, and be yourself. Because if we look at all the leaders that truly inspire us, it’s not because they copied someone else, they just didn’t fit into the mold. They stepped outside of the box. And they led in a way that was authentic to them. They got outside of the shoulds. And they did what they wanted to do. They lived up to their destiny. And so that’s what we actually think about it. That’s what we’re inspired by. Let’s take their example and stand by their sides.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, that’s so good. So within this dichotomy of purpose and duty, living a life toward purpose, rather than letting you be dictated by duty, where does responsibility lie in there?
Carly Pepin
Yeah, absolutely. So we have our personal responsibility in writing about living a life that we’d love some duty, it doesn’t even mean that you’re going to let go of responsibility, chances are, you’re going to take on more responsibilities overall, but things that you’re inspired by, right. So I love business, I’m genuinely inspired by it. It’s something that I truly love. Not everyone loves it. Some people have a higher priority on their kids, right? Neither is right or wrong. But it’s to notice, like, if I just keep doing what I love, I’m going to take on more accountability and responsibility in business, in my finances, in hiring right. In working with other people in business, if you have a higher priority, and your life demonstrates that your kids are more important to you, you’ll invest time in your kids and guess what’s going to happen. That’s going to be your greater responsibility. So what’s really cool is you’re going to take on responsibilities and you’ll have have integrity within actually upholding those responsibilities in things that are genuinely the most inspiring to you. And I know that you’ll have integrity to move forward no matter what, because you’ve learned so much. It’s just so important to you that why is big enough that how does it fall into place, you make the how happen, you’re the one in charge of the how you just will, you won’t back down.
Scott Ritzheimer
I love that. And I think that’s such a big, it’s why purpose plays such a big role in it is because there’s no real other source that can hold that up for that long. Right? Even if you follow your passions, right, something that you’re excited about, it’s like that that can come and go. But tapping into that that long term sense of purpose, I would agree, I would say those who who’ve really embraced it, actually do take a much higher degree of responsibility, which is almost ironic, right? It’s like you’re getting away from the feel of who, you know, like the negative side of that with duty. And I love that language you have just in your intro there. I want to talk about something that is related to this, but actually not a topic we’ve broached on the show yet. But I think it’s really important to know, it’s played a huge role in my life, and in my leadership, and that is the topic of grief. And I know that this is something that you work on with your clients. And I’m wondering, what is the role that you from your professional opinion, and in the work that you’ve done? What is the role in grief in in our store is as leaders?
Carly Pepin
Yeah, so when we think about grief, grief is actually quite interesting. There’s two causes of grief, it’s we fear, the loss of the things that we infatuate with. So if we lose something we infatuate with, we grieve it right? Now, remember, when you think about grieving, something, you’re only grieving the positive aspects, you don’t grieve any of the negative aspects, right? If you grieve the loss of your business, for example, you look at it, and you’re like, Oh, I lost all these amazing things and the income, but you’re not actually grieving the loss of Well, I was also working there, like 1718 hours a day, I wasn’t as profitable as I thought I had all these lawsuits. You don’t even think about that you’re only grieving loss of things that you infatuate with. So you’re not seeing the other side. It’s actually a mindset component. And then when we think about the other side of grief, it’s the being of something you resent. Right? So maybe they were successful in the past. And I was just working with an individual who was successful in the past. And actually, someone actually tried to kill him, like as a result. So He’s grieving that and he has that fear. And that resentment of that coming in again, if he builds his business, right. But does he actually have grief around like gaining that? No, it’s just the idea of going through that situation again. So when you shift the mindset, and you actually clear the infatuations and resentments, they no longer run you, they no longer own you. Because remember, if you’re infatuated with something, you’re gonna seek it out all the time. And feels becomes like an addiction, a dopamine rush, because you’re not seeing the other side. And I know that sometimes we don’t see this in business to the same degree. But I’ll give you an example in relationship that we can reply to business is that like, if you meet an individual, male or female, that you meet in the beginning, and you’re like, Whoa, most amazing person ever. I just want to spend all my time with them. And then all of a sudden, we’re doing crazy things that we never would have done before in our lives to try to get this relationship we completely self out of ourselves. That’s an infatuation. And then eventually, like the shit hits the fan, and what does that give us the opportunity to do? Get back to ourselves. So when we clear that infatuation first, and this could be seeking out a business opportunity, seeking out certain clients, right, certain other opportunities with our finances, then we can actually not have those big hits. When we also work on the resentment component, as I was giving you an example, with a certain individual, it’s like when we give ourselves the permission to clear the resentment and the charges, the things that we’re fearing, and we have grief around that. When we give her herself permission to do that, all of a sudden, we’re not afraid to go back and face those face challenges that we did before. Yeah, as opposed to like holding ourselves back and stopping our lives. Yeah.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, I was actually just what was going on with the next question. And that is, what is the how does grief play out in our performance? And what are some signs that you may be holding on to grief and you don’t even know it?
Carly Pepin
But you’ll see your behavior start to change to a certain degree. Because if you really perceive that you’ve lost something, to a degree that it’s creating, like a level of sadness, you’re gonna start to have a hard time showing up like day to day, you’re gonna have that brain fog, that brain noise. And it’s the same with resentment, like when you have something that you’re so resentful over, it takes up space and time in your mind. You’ll even find that when you’re trying to go to bed, you will notice it’s harder to sleep, right? Insomnia is something because your mind is racing, racing, racing, racing about these particular things. Right. Like, there was another client I was working with and they had lost about $10 million in their business right. So they were grieving the loss of that business or sorry, that finances. So when we went through, basically we’re seeing that day to day they’re having a really hard time re engaging in their business. Why because the loss was so heavy on them, that they’re not actually able to re engage to create the income again, which remember, I know any business owner, any entrepreneur out there, once you make it once you can make it again, like, we know this, we know how to do it, we can repeat it, we can go over and over again. And then we just keep growing it. So it’s like that grief holds us back, because it’s just like, oh, now I’m depressed. Now I’m sad. And as opposed to moving forward, it’s almost like that lethargy comes in, and you lose your energy. So that’s why it’s so important to clear that grief. And the other component is when you have that high level of resentment, because things are going to challenge you no matter what, definitely. But when you hold on to that what winds up occurring is you’re just gonna get frustrated, and you focus on it. And all of a sudden, that becomes your problem, which by the a lot of the entrepreneurs I work with, sometimes it’s just we’re working on the romantic partners, because it’s like, at home, there might be chaos going on, or there’s chaos going on with your kids. And we work on the resentment and the challenges that are going on with that. So you could go to work and focus you can get back on track and like help your kids and your family to a greater degree when you’re not like so frustrated all the time.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, what is a stepper to just walk us through even word to look to start clearing out the grief or resentment. What does that actually look like?
Carly Pepin
Yeah, so it’s kind of a really specific process. What’s really fun about this one is, it’s a little bit tricky, but just to kind of break it down. When we think about clearing grief, it’s our perception of losing something, right? So if we perceive we’ve lost something, then we’re infatuated with it, we want to take down the level of infatuation. So whenever I’m working with a client, I break down specifically what they’re grieving the loss of, because, for example, the example with money, it’s often not the money that you’re grieving the loss of, right, nobody actually wants the money. We want what the money gives us. So we look and we see, well, what did that money give you and it’s like, well, the freedom to do whatever I wanted, right freedom to do whatever I wanted. And then we kind of look at that. And we actually take that off the pedestal, which part of it is looking how it’s a disservice to you how it’s actually not serving you to have that level of freedom in your life. We and so funny too, because you see this all the time where it’s actually, it’s like the fantasy that’s sold to individuals and entrepreneurship, like I can have the freedom to do all this and all that, where if you’re really dedicated to your mission, by the time you create that level of financial freedom, you’re looking for the next thing to continue on, on your purpose, you’re looking probably when you get Yeah, and when you get to a certain degree of finances, you’re like, Well, what’s my philanthropic cause? You know, you don’t ever stop when you have the freedom and the time you’re like, How can I create more income to create more impact? Right? So it’s like, that’s the fantasy and we would we look at how that’s a disservice, then all of a sudden, you’re seeing, do I miss that anymore? And it’s like, not so much like I see how that also was challenging the resentment component as we start to look how that is actually a service to you. The very specific things that you are afraid of having or the things you’re experiencing now. that’s causing you the grief, the pain, the sadness, right? And we actually look at that serves you. So when we look at that, it’s like, if you go through a challenge, I was doing a really cool when I had a client who’s getting sued, right. And this was actually really inspiring. And part of what we were going through is how it served. And one thing that really got him material of gratitude and inspiration was his son got to be president and got to see what was going on and got to understand things to a greater degree, because he’s really working with his son. He’s quite young, to help him on his own inspired mission. And he wants him to be prepared for challenges. And then it’s like, Okay, do you want to change it? He’s like, No, I got this. We’re cool. I’m like, awesome. So it’s kind of looking at how it serves. When we think about our mind, we’re trying to get a balancing equation. And we want our positive perceptions to equal or negative perceptions, too many positives is an infatuation, too many negatives is a presentment. But a positive and negative is a balanced mind, a balanced perception. Your emotions don’t run you you’re connected with yourself. And in that state, you’re in like grace, gratitude, inspiration.
Scott Ritzheimer
Wow, I love that the whole idea of too many positives, I think, is that balancing piece that a lot of folks miss. And because of that we never really addressed the negatives either, because we’re just trying to overload the whole system. Brian seminary could talk about this for hours. But there’s a question that I like to ask all my guests. I want to make sure we get to it before the end of the show here. And the question is this. What is the biggest secret you wish wasn’t a secret at all? What’s that one thing that you wish everybody watching or listening today knew?
Carly Pepin
Yeah, so this one is amazing. It’s technically, not a secret because people have talked about it since like Heraclitus, or Stano Carl Jung talks about it but nothing’s missing. Even Ralph Waldo Emerson gets into it’s really fun. There’s nothing ever missing just like the laws of physics, energy cannot be created or trained or destroyed. It’s only transformed. So whenever we perceive we’re missing something in life and we have that perception of loss And then what we haven’t seen is the new form that it’s arrived in, right. So I may lose a level of connection with my business at one point in time. But then I see that during that time, I’m doing a greater degree of studying and personal development, right. And I might lose a connection with a friend. But then during that time, it’s like all these new friends or clients came in to replace them. And when you see that, like you realize nothing, nothing in your life can ever be lost. And the world is actually working with you to ensure that you have the best case, scenarios, individuals challenges support to help you pursue your life purpose, like it’s genuinely there for that. And what’s really cool too is this is happening on a moment by moment basis. If you pay attention, when you’re really challenged, you’ll see that to the same degree, you have the equal amount of support either someone’s present in the room, or you start thinking about all the people who are the opposite of the individual, like presented with you. And when you realize that you can’t get rid of challenge or support. It’s like, well, what do I need to be afraid of? And it really gave us permission to move forward. Yeah, so that’s a tricky one. But if you pay attention, so worthwhile, so worthwhile.
Scott Ritzheimer
It’s not so true. Yeah, so true. That’s fantastic. Well, I know that you’ve got a workshop coming up. So I want to make sure we can tell folks about that. Tell us a little bit about that. And then also let us know how we can get in touch with you if we want to learn more.
Carly Pepin
Yeah, so we call it traits of the great and I actually do it with my husband, who is also human behavior specialist and consultant. And what’s really inspiring is we go through all these different components that we’ve kind of talked about here, we’re gonna dive into understanding your purpose to greater degree will teach you how to catch prides will teach you how to catch genes, resentments, will teach you how to clear all that and balance it out, bring it back to neutral. And I’ll even show you in this workshop, how to see in those moments how you have the challenge and support to both degree. And what’s really cool is you’ll start to relieve some grief, right like that will actually come through the process. And then we focus on refining your vision and your mission and your purpose to make sure that the more you come, the more you do it. It’s like we want you to get out there and focus on what you love so you can make the impact you’re inspired to. And best way to learn about it is go to our website, my website, carlypepin.com. It’ll take you everywhere else. I have contact forms there, you can connect with me on social media and also directly so whatever works best for you.
Scott Ritzheimer
Brilliant, excellent. Well, fantastic, fantastic content. It’s just a love being able to dive in under the surface on some of these really, really big issues that are affecting folks every day. Thanks so much for sharing. Thanks for being here. It really was a privilege. And for those of you watching and listening know that your time and attention mean the world to us. I hope you got as much out of this conversation as I know I did and I cannot wait to see you next time. Take care.
Contact Carly Pepin
Carly Pepin is an International Speaker and Consultant specializing in human behavior. Carly emphasizes that the key to fulfilling life lies in utilizing and transforming these stories. Having devoted her life to mastering the intricacies of human behavior, Carly empowers others to do the same. Through her expertise, she guides individuals in looking beyond the surface and delving into the essence of their being. By uncovering and addressing the deeper issues that hinder personal growth, Carly enables her clients to design their lives with purpose rather than succumbing to a life dictated by duty.
Want to learn more about Carly Pepin? Check out her website at https://www.carlypepin.com/ or check out an upcoming workshop at https://advanced-potential.com/page/traits-of-the-great.
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