In this conscientious episode, Gabriel DeRita, Owner of effectiveconnection.com, shares how he creates an atmosphere of trust and depth that allows individuals and teams to unlock potential and create effective connections with themselves and others.
You will discover:
– How to get the very best out of and for your team
– How AI is going to change the world of work
– How to change your leadership mindset
Episode Transcript
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome once again to the secrets of the high demand coach podcast. And I am here with yet another unbelievably high demand coach, Gabe DeRita. Now Gabe helps leaders and teams transform their lives by aligning with purpose, embracing nuance and embodying authenticity rooted in curiosity, experiential learning and the spirit of play. Before starting his coaching practice in 2019 he held management, sales and consulting roles in the tech, hospitality and tourism sectors. He’s coached leaders from the Y Combinator tech startup founders to Fortune 500 management teams at Airbnb, PayPal, LinkedIn, Goldman, Sachs and gap, just to name a few. In addition, Gabe is a seasoned facilitator and speaker. He’s created and delivered impactful workshops, talks and retreats, both virtually and in person around the world. And he’s here with us today. Gabe, welcome to the show. One of the, yeah, I’m so excited to have you here. One of the recurring, themes, if I will, that I saw as I was getting ready for this episode was was your focus on patterns. I’m actually a big fan of patterns as well, but I know that, you know, when we have different perspectives and your background is very different than mine, we tend to pick up on different patterns. And so I’m wondering in the work that you’re doing with with leaders, with founders, with with teams that are trying to succeed. What are some of the biggest patterns that you’re seeing?
Gabriel DeRita
Yeah, I imagine we might see more patterns in common than you think, because we both deal with people, right? And I think that those patterns tend to repeat themselves in any industry, even though every business tends to think that their problems are unique or they’re the only ones in the only ones in the world seeing XY thing. It’s usually not true. And what are the biggest patterns that I see with my clients? Is the idea that they’re going to be replaced by machines. You know that, like a lot of folks are in the in the in this like threat response to AI, and I just don’t think it’s going to happen, at least to the last four to six months since it seems to, everybody seems to be asking, like, you know, what’s going to happen with AI in my role? And I don’t think anything is ever going to replace the power of human relationship. And I’m really biased, because I think that’s sort of my focal point in my work, is on the sides of relationships and the power of relationships, and I think people are really coming back to a focus on those things and thinking about, how do relationships matter in our organization, how do relationships matter with our customers and within our team? But that’s something I see people thinking about a lot, and I kind of, I take AI seriously, and I think it’s going to change a lot about how we live at work, but I don’t think it’s going to replace the essential need to remain connected with and understood by other human beings.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, I’ve heard you talk about the future of work, and this idea of moving from technical to relational AI is going to play a huge role in that. But uh, what? What do you think that’s actually going to look like?
Gabriel DeRita
I think it’s going to be different, depending on the industry. But one of the things that I I’m going to be curious to to witness, is how different groups of people will respond to the emergence of increasingly sophisticated technology that can mimic human relationships, and depending on the day, I either have an optimistic or pessimistic view on this, but I think there’s going to be an increasingly big generational and experiential gap between people who were raised before the introduction of this technology, and the people who are raised with this technology, where there may be a group of people in, you know, 15 or 20 years that prefers the interaction of an algorithm to the interaction with the human for its predictability or its or its trainability to be responsive to your specific needs. And there’s going to be a group of people, I’m going to go ahead and date us and saying your age or my age and older, right? That say, No, I want to speak to a real person, and that may end up being something that leaders and companies need to cater to, that there are two different audiences in relationships, ones that ones that prefer the realness and sometimes the rawness of a human relationship that with all of its flaws and brilliance, and some people who might actually prefer the safety of machine interaction that’s predictable and can be designed to cater to specific emotional needs or response patterns that that audience has come to prefer, just because there are teenagers today who are raised with more interactions with algorithms than with actual people. And I think that is something that could influence the future of work, although I think it’s, it’s far off in terms of it, you know, I don’t know how far off, but I’ve thought about that, like, wow, what if the problem I’m solving for today in relationships isn’t relevant to a group of people in the future? And I think there’s a possibility that that will be true.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah. And that. Reason. My next question, what do we do about it? What’s the work that you find yourself doing now, with this kind of out on the horizon? How do you help teams to really develop and build today?
Gabriel DeRita
I’m talking to the people who align with what I see in the world, which is, isn’t unique, right? I think we all do that. We all find our audience and the people who care about the things that we care about and see the world that we see it, and try to really create impact within cultures and organizations that believe that, you know, that basically, are doubling down on humanity, so to speak, and saying like, No, this really is about people. It will always be about people, at least in this organization, that’s what comes first. And I think creating more space for people to be real with one another, for people to open up and share those human moments of connection, and create more space for authenticity and compassion and understanding, not in a fluffy kumbaya sense, but in a like let me really find ways to support you to get business done since, but in a way that centers the human relationship as the primary driver of a team success, not necessarily the pedigree or the competence, or in some cases, like even the product, because that will be determined so much by the people who deliver that product, especially if it’s service based to the customers who receive it. That’s what I’m really focusing on, is like, I think especially in those service based businesses, like one of my major clients right now is in healthcare, and it’s like, one of the most important things about creating incredible experiences for a patient is having people who care and feel supported by the organization that they’re a part of, because you can’t pour from an empty cup, right? And if you have people showing up on the line every day completely depleted emotionally and just in this compassion fatigue, or feel like they don’t have their resources and needs met, they’re not going to be able to deliver it to the standards of care that are necessary. And so that’s really where I’m focusing, is having organizations, particularly middle and executive management, prioritize human well being as an essential aspect of client success, of customer delivery, and it also, you know, helps with retention. I think a lot of people are talking about turnover, particularly after the pandemic. And Millennials have a reputation for looking for a new job every three years, which I was guilty as charged until I found this career. But like, how do we make good people? Help good people stay right? And I think having them feel invested in at the human level is one way to do that.
Scott Ritzheimer
With all the change that’s going on around us, it’s so easy to overlook the actual impact of that change. So, you know, we think, hey, when I was being managed, this is what I needed. This is what my work looked like. This is fill in the blank. And in many ways our lives have gotten easier, but in many ways they’ve gotten a lot harder. And so one of the things that I noticed that you’ve pointed out on multiple occasions actually that we’re actually asking our teams to do more with less on a regular basis. Why is that? Why is that reality so important? And how can we, how can we start to embrace that reality when, when, oftentimes it’s like, you know, I walked uphill both ways in the snow, you know, without shoes on, like, when we find ourselves doing that, because every generation does it. How can we actually take a step back to really understand what we’re asking our people to do these days.
Gabriel DeRita
That’s an interesting question, because I think it depends on who you’re giving the answer to. Are you? Are you speaking to the people giving that order to do more with less? Are you speaking to the people receiving that.
Scott Ritzheimer
Right? Yeah, for Yeah, particularly for this context, for the folks that are giving the orders, right for those that are in a leadership position, asking their team to do more. But you know, so many leaders have expressed the frustration, like these kids are soft. You know that, like that kind of a feel when the reality of it is, there’s so much more going into every decision than there ever was before?
Gabriel DeRita
Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah. I hear what you’re saying there, and it is definitely a generational bias that I encounter because I coach people of all ages. You know, some of my clients are in their end career, some of their in their mid career, and you do see a pretty stark difference and that mindset that like there’s a different level of resilience, or our capacity for dealing with a challenge. That’s, I think, a bit of a blowing spot for older managers, because they come into a conversation believing that their team isn’t capable, or, you know, doesn’t get it, or isn’t aware of the circumstances, and I think that puts them behind the eight ball in trying to inspire people to actually perform at our level. And I think what’s needed is an acknowledgement that the world of business, that that the older generation of leaders grew up in is not the world of business that younger leaders are inheriting today, and without an understanding that those changes influence the way that people see the future, the way that people perceive risk. The way that people kind of take account of what they’re giving versus what they’re getting, like that fundamental map has changed. And I think if you’re sitting behind your chair just complaining that people like don’t get it or they don’t make them like they used to, you’re you have a mindset that’s fixed on a photograph of the past and not the dynamic world of the present. You’re looking at a steel image of what should be a movie. And I would encourage anybody with that attitude to take stock of what’s really facing people today and younger leaders today, where they see their future, how they see the progression of their career, and what’s different about those things than what was happening in the world 20 or 30 years ago, when the leaders of today kind of came up, yeah, and every generation has their unique challenges. And, you know, I think everybody kind of thinks they’re living through the hardest thing that’s ever happened. It seems to be just this. You could read stories from, you know, 100 years ago, people are saying the same things they’re saying now, right? What was it like to live through, you know, the plagues of the past versus covid or like something like the Cuban Missile Crisis versus, you know, events of today. It’s like there’s always been the moment that feels like it’s about to be the last moment, right? And so taking that into account that each person’s story kind of has that same protagonist element to it, I think can make you a much more compelling and compassionate leader. When you’re convincing people and inspiring people to give that discretionary energy, that extra mile, right? You need to meet them in their story, instead of speaking from your own. And I think, and that’s the most essential element.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, and I think that’s such a great point, and I’ll kind of add a little flavor to it for the next question, and that is, you know, most truth lies in tension, right? So I don’t hear you just saying, hey, we need to be softer on everybody, but in in working to relate and understand where they’re coming from, that’s what actually gives us the opportunity to help them step up. And so the question I want to drill in on this specifically, what would you say is leadership’s role in helping their employees, their team members, challenge the self limiting beliefs that they have?
Gabriel DeRita
I love that question, because I think that’s what every organization needs to be doing in order to maximize the value of the the team that they have, not just in an extracted sense of, how can we really get the most for the money we’re paying these people, but how could we really create something incredible together beyond the sum of its parts? I think particularly for the people that you work with in these like entrepreneurial roles, these smaller organizations, they’re they’re doing something not just because it’s creating revenue, but because it’s somebody in that organization is passionate about it and really believes in it. And I think reminding folks that they came to work for this team because of some level of shared belief with the mission of the organization is an incredible way to unlock that talent potential, because that’s what I believe work should be for. Work should be something that helps us as individuals express our greater purpose. And our greater purpose is something that, always, by definition, has to do with something beyond ourselves. Victor Frankl is a author that Ivan’s inspired by, and he says that happiness can’t be pursued. It must be. It must ensue when we’re when we’re in the service of something greater than ourselves, and I think an organization has a unique opportunity to offer that to its team, to be part of something greater than yourself, and to invite that individual to find their unique connection to and relationship with the organization’s mission and values and vision. And when you successfully do that as a leader, then you give people a source of motivation that’s renewable, because carrots and sticks are not renewable, right? You can only give so many raises. You can only fire somebody once, but if you connect with them at that level of passion and values, you have something that’s a sustainable, renewable source of motivation and energy that doesn’t cost the business anything and actually helps people on the team feel more excited to come to work every day.
Scott Ritzheimer
It’s so true. It’s so true. So Gabe, there’s a question I ask all my guests. I’m gonna fire it your way here. What would you say is the biggest secret you wish wasn’t a secret at all? What’s that one thing you wish everybody watching and listening today knew?
Gabriel DeRita
I don’t actually think it’s a secret at all, but I think it’s interesting, because it’s hiding in plain sight, is that, like we’re all human beings, trying to get fundamental human needs met in the way we move through the world. And it’s not a secret, but it’s something that, I think, excuse me, it’s something that seems to be forgotten in the way people relate to one another and relate to the circumstances that they’re in, that they tend to think that, oh, you know, they play, they play the blame game or the victim game or the hero game, and they and they forget that everybody around them is operating with the same fundamental set of principles that they are. You know, that we all feel a sense of uncertainty, that we all feel imposter syndrome, that we all feel. The desire for the longing that we all want to contribute something that matters, right? And when we forget that, I think we tend to treat each other in these transactional or adversarial ways, and we just don’t have to if we come back to that fundamental shared humanity of like we’re all in this together, and everybody’s making it up. I mean, I I listened to a podcast with Reese Witherspoon where she talked about how she just couldn’t believe that she was like she almost quit a role that she won an Oscar for, because even somebody at that level has imposter syndrome, even if somebody at that level wakes up every day doubting the next 24 hours of their life and their success, and if we remember that fundamental uncertainty is just part of the human experience, I think we can have a lot more compassion for each other, and so I don’t think it’s a secret, but I think it’s something that we forget, and if we remember that and remind ourselves of it every day, we come to our work and our business relationships with a lot more humanity and a lot more like ability to connect with and relate to each other, and it’s not soft to Do that. Vulnerability doesn’t mean weakness, right? Vulnerability means availability for connection, and when people feel that from you, particularly as a leader, you build trust like that, right? You don’t have to do anything else other than show up with your humanity to make people want to be of service to whatever it is that you’re doing, because they see themselves in you.
Scott Ritzheimer
So Gabe, there’s some folks listening to this, and they’re just, you know, like you said, like people attracting they’re just hanging out everywhere. They say they want to build deeper connections within their team. They want to get more out of their team without this, more bricks, less straw approach. How can they find more out about you and the work that you do?
Gabriel DeRita
I’d love to talk to anybody who has questions about this conversation or is inspired, or you know, is trying to make similar moves in their organization. You can find me at effectiveconnection.com that’s my website. You can book a call with me there. You could reach me via email. [email protected] and I sometimes hang out on Instagram under the handle fun Gabe, with two n’s, although that’s much more about me as a mushroom nerd and cyclist than as a coach. But yeah, there’s the best ways to reach me is probably via my website, effectiveconnection.com.
Scott Ritzheimer
Fantastic. Gabe, thank you so much for being on the show. Privilege and honor having you and for those of you watching and listening, you know your time and attention mean the world to us. I hope you got as much out of this conversation as I know I did, and I cannot wait to see you next time. Take care.
Contact Gabriel DeRita
Gabriel DeRita helps leaders and teams transform their lives by aligning with purpose, embracing nuance, and embodying authenticity. Rooted in curiosity, experiential learning, and a spirit of play, before starting his coaching practice in 2019, he held management, sales, and consulting roles in the tech, hospitality, and tourism sectors. He’s coached leaders from Y-Combinator tech startup founders to Fortune 500 management teams at Airbnb, PayPal, LinkedIn, Goldman Sachs, and Gap. In addition, Gabe is a seasoned facilitator and speaker. He’s created and delivered impactful workshops, talks, and retreats virtually and in person worldwide.
Want to learn more about Gabriel DeRita’s work at effectiveconnection.com? Check out his website at https://www.effectiveconnection.com/
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