In this scholastic episode, Dr. Jennifer Nash, Founder and CEO of Jennifer Nash Coaching & Consulting, shares an amazing story about how she discovered the power of a leader’s gratitude and appreciation.
You will discover:
– Why so many leaders fall short in recognizing the contributions of their team members
– Why your words matter (WAY more than you think)
– Why you can’t assume the leaders on your team lead like you
Episode Transcript
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome once again to the secrets of the high demand coach podcast. And here with us today is the extraordinary Dr, Jennifer Nash. She’s an executive advisor, leadership development consultant and author of the book be human. Lead human how to connect people and performance. She helps fortune 50 organizations prioritize people to power to power. Performance. Jennifer earned her MBA from the University of Michigan and her PhD from Case Western University, Reserve University. She taught over 700 rising leaders at Deloitte University, and is a Weatherhead School of Business Research Fellow. She serves as an executive leadership and career coach at the University of Michigan, and is now a fellow at the Harvard McLean Institute of coaching. Dr Nash’s work is published in Harvard Business Review, LinkedIn and select Academic Journals. She’s here with us today. Jennifer, I was so excited to get a copy of the book before the show and read through and yeah, I have so many questions. Can’t wait to dive in. So excited that you’re here, I’m wondering if we could open up the same way that you open up the book. You have this beautiful story about a paper plate. Would you mind sharing that story with folks that are either listening or watching here today?
Jennifer Nash
Sure I’d be happy to Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here in the book, I open up my story about the paper plate, which is actually a personal story of mine. I was working at Ford Motor Company when Bill Ford engaged Alan Mulally to come in and turn around the company. And so, you know, at a certain point during that tenure, my department had decided to hold an appreciation day for employees, and they wanted to boost morale, and so then they had, this was during the recession. So, you know, times are pretty tough, and there wasn’t a lot of discretionary funds available, so the leaders had purchased some of these paper plates, like those white, thin, you know, style paper plates that you use for picnics. And they had scattered those on tables along with some crayons and markers and stickers and things like that. And so they invited all of the employees in the building to come down and, you know, fill out a plate for someone. And you know, at the time, I was in the middle of my finance class at the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan, and we had just had a town hall with Ellen saying, you know, we just took out a little home improvement loan, and that included mortgaging the blue oval on on the company, you know, for the company and my I just thought, wow, Like, this is so serious. I mean, we we could really go under, we could really go bankrupt. Alan’s got a really tough job, you know, I think he might need some appreciation. So I decided to write my note to Alan. And so I wrote out this paper plate, and I put some Superman stickers around the edges of it, and I just put in the middle, like, you know, thank you so much for coming in and helping, you know, Ford, because it’ll help us survive another 100 years, because Ford had just turned 100 and I put that, I put that plate in an inner office envelope, and I, you know, sent it off in her office, mail over to his headquarters, and I didn’t think anything more about it. Well, then a couple weeks later, I get called into my leaders, leaders, leaders office, and there’s like a couple leaders standing around a table in that office, and in the middle of that table is an inter office envelope, and the inner office envelope was open, and I knew immediately what was in that envelope. And because when I had sent it off, you know, I had sealed it, you know, there was a confidential sticker on it. There was the little like twine that you would, you know, wind around. And we go around to make the figure eight, you know. And so it was so disheartened to see that that envelope was open. And so I looked up at the leaders, and I’m like, Oh, so you know what, what’s going on? And they’re like, Well, we, we can’t get this to him. And I’m like, Well, does that mean that inner office mail, like, where the people let go, you know, because times are really hard, right then, do we not have interoffice mail anymore? They’re like, No, we just, you know, we really, we don’t really think this is appropriate to send to him, and so we’re going to give it back to you. And Scott, in that moment, I was so disheartened, and I was also a little furious, because I didn’t feel like it was their place to tell me if it was okay or not to send that to him, and that was not acceptable to me, and that really crossed one of my boundaries. So I knew that there was going to be no good that would come of arguing, you know, with this group of people, right? Because, you know, like they could, can me too, right? Everyone had their boxes under their desk, just waiting to be let go. I mean, it was a very difficult time in the organization, and so I, you know, I took it back, but I walked right out of that office. I walked right out the door, got in my car. And drove over to world type quarters, and I went up to the 12th floor, and Alan wasn’t in. So I asked his assistant if she would please give, you know, this envelope to him when he got back. She’s like, Oh, sure, no problem. So, you know, I left world type quarters and I went back about my business. A couple weeks later, I get this phone call and I’m not in the office, so he left the person left a voicemail. Well, when I get back in the office, I find out that Alan had called me and left me a voicemail about how much this plate meant to him and how much he appreciated it. And you know, here’s this person who is saving the company, doing the hard work, the hard, thankless work, of trying to bring people together and get them to collaborate. And he takes the time out to thank me and appreciate me. I couldn’t believe it, you know, he didn’t know who I was. I was just a people leader far down the ladder from him on the org chart. So that that signaled to me, like, here we have someone who is exceptionally different, who is leading in a way that I haven’t seen before in my career. And it was something that I really, it really caught my attention. And then a couple weeks after that message, I got an interoffice envelope in the mail, and it was stuff full with, you know, all of these different swag items, you know, for Ford, which I thought was really cool at the time. You know, who doesn’t want to get some Ford swag or company swag, and but the best part about that, best part about that interoffice envelope, for me, was that there was a handwritten letter in there, and that handwritten letter, you know, he had written down there, dear Jennifer, and then, you know, just thanking me again for what I do, for Ford, and what I had, you know, contributed to him in the play and around my name, he had put a heart and so that just put me back in my seat for a minute, because I couldn’t believe that. You know, here’s this leader who you know is running this, this huge company, trying to turn it around, save it from the brink of disaster, and yet he’s still so human. He’s still so so relatable. And you know that heart around my name signaled to me that I mattered and that I was valued, and not just as an employee, I was valued, just because I was a human being and existed on this planet, and at that point in my career, that was the first time that I had felt like that. That was 16 years into working, and I felt like there has to be a better way, because leaders don’t have the tools that they need to help people feel that they matter and that they appreciate them, and we’re not taught that in business school. And so that story is how I open the book, and it’s also the reason why, actually, it was the catalyst for me to go back and get my MBA, and it was also the catalyst for me to go back and get my PhD because I did all of my research on what makes leaders outstanding versus average. And from a coaching perspective, how do we grow that relationship between the coach and the client, sort of like a coach and a leader, so that they can achieve their desired outcomes and get to where they want to be? So that is the story of the paper plate.
Scott Ritzheimer
Amazing, amazing, amazing. So many levels, there’s just so much that I want to unpack in that particularly for the founders and CEOs listening. I it’s rare that I come across a founder or CEO who really understands how much their words matter. Yeah, right. Like it changed the course of your career, right? It and not only did it change the course of your career, but it’s changed the course of hundreds and 1000s of others who’ve benefited from the book, from your teaching, from your training and and those words matter so much if your founder CEOs, you’re going through a really hard time. One if Alan had time to do it during this turnaround, you probably have time to do it too, but taking the time to recognize the people around you and speaking into their lives will have ripple effects far beyond what you can imagine. Yeah. And then one, I want you to unpack this a little bit for me, so it’s just how crazy office cultures could be so Alan’s known kind of for, for that, in a sense, right, of wanting the truth, right? Yet he has multiple executives filtering mail right from someone just trying to show appreciation, right? The company is challenged. It’s, you know, it’s mortgaged the blue oval, and they’re taking their time to reprimand someone for sending a letter. Right? It’s just it’s so crazy. And one of the things that even the best and most well intentioned and even competent CEOs have to recognize that there’s so much going on outside of their site and so much of the culture. Sure you know, yes, it comes from, you know, those who are in charge. But particularly if you’re walking into a situation, you have to be so intentional about turning that around and and so as you’re taking that, you’re taking that experience that you had, and now working with this at scale and having studied it, why is it that so many leaders fall short of recognizing the contributions of their team members and their employees?
Jennifer Nash
You know, I think there’s a couple of reasons. I think one is that it isn’t a behavior that they observe from the leaders around them. And you know, as As humans, we learn by imitation, right? Our parents are first role models of behavior. And as babies, we watch them, we observe them to see what is the, what is the behavior that we should exhibit, right? If, if a child falls down, and you know, they they might be hurt, they might not be hurt. The first thing they’re going to do is look at the parent to see if their parent is freaking out or not. And if the parent freaks out, then the child is going to go and start into this big crying Jag, right? But if the parent looks at the child and go, Oh, you fell down, you know what? I bet you’re okay. Let’s just pick you back up and brush you off and, you know, on your way go play on the swing set, or whatever it is that child is going to get up and behave it and behave that way. So there’s, there’s this element of the role modeling behavior that you see around you forms your behavior, especially in a corporate culture, because that’s what’s expected, that status quo. And when you go outside of that status quo, that is when interesting things start to happen, because systems don’t like outliers, and typically systems will eject outliers. And so I think what was happening in that room was that here were some leaders who didn’t actually know what to do with that because it had never happened before. They were surrounded by change, which was almost, excuse me, overwhelming at times, because the company was in such turmoil, and things were changing so quickly, and it was chaotic. And so when people are in that space of massive, disruptive change, and they don’t know what to do, they default back to the status quo? They default back to what behaviors are comfortable and what behaviors are acceptable, whether they’re unwritten or written cultural rules, right? So I think that was also part of what was happening there. Yeah. And I think a third reason why leaders don’t exhibit this behavior more is because sometimes kindness is perceived as weakness, and there is a general distaste for leaders to be perceived as weak. And weakness can be perceived from different forms, right? It can be perceived as maybe kindness. It can be perceived as, oh, if they don’t know something, they’re weak. If they don’t have all the answers, they’re weak. If they give up some of their power and ask others to chime in and share their voices and not have you know, the ultimate command and control over the situation that could be viewed as weak. So I think there’s multiple reasons why leaders don’t do this more often.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, yeah, it’s it’s so true, it’s so easy to miss. And I think that’s what makes it so powerful when we get it right. And there’s some folks that are that might be listening to this and saying, Well, if I’ve never seen it like, how do I know how to do it. And I think you’ve done such a great job in giving just, just a myriad of different ways of showing that. And you have, you put it all together with this framework. It’s the tell us a little bit, what is the framework that you lay out in the book and and what’s maybe one of the things to do, particularly along the lines of appreciation, what’s one of the more practical things that our listeners could take away from that and maybe even start working on today?
Jennifer Nash
Yeah, so the framework in the book is designed to be a monomic for people to adopt these principles and practices of human leadership, right? In other words, showing up in a way that puts people first, that shows that we understand what motivates people to perform and behave in the way that we want them to do so, and the one of those elements of the human’s framework is appreciation. And so one of the tools that I have found that is so helpful for appreciation is simply understanding what makes someone feel appreciated, right? And the best way to understand that is to ask them, because not everyone has the same way they want to be appreciated. You know, Scott, you may want, you know, a public shout out on a Times Square billboard, you know, and other people. I just want a small comment in passing in the hallway. That’s a very private kind of moment. So finding out what makes people feel appreciated is very important to helping them feel appreciated. And then secondly, you know, gathering any resources you might need for that well, you know, do you need to carve out, you know, a couple minutes to write them a note? Do you need to maybe think about, you know, the conversation that you’re going to have with them because they wanted something, you know, a verbal type of praise. And then the third thing you need to do there is just execute, so deliver the appreciation in the way that they preferred to have it delivered.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, I love that. And in case anyone feels which I don’t know how you would by this point in the episode, but in case you still feel like this is a little soft, there’s this study that you cite in the book. I believe it’s a Swedish study that talked about when employees don’t feel appreciated, particularly male employees, they’re at a 50% greater risk of heart attacks and disease. Yeah, just just stunning. Just stunning.
Jennifer Nash
Yeah, I came across that research study, and my jaw dropped. I didn’t know that, and I really I learned that while I was researching for the book. It’s a shocking, shocking finding.
Scott Ritzheimer
Wow. So, Jennifer, there’s a question I like to ask all my guests, and I’m dying to hear what you have to say. So what would you say is the biggest secret you wish wasn’t a secret at all? What’s that one thing you wish everybody watching or listening today knew?
Jennifer Nash
So my I would say the secret is this. When you ask questions, you change the dynamic and the simple ask act of asking a question can help someone else feel heard, can help someone else feel understood. Can help someone else feel that they matter. Can help them feel appreciated, and can help them feel seen, and if we only took the time to ask each other more questions and seek to understand each other before being understood ourselves, we would have such a different dynamic in our lives, in our relationships and in our workplaces.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, Jennifer, there’s some folks listening who have just they found the inspiration that they needed in your story and in the different points you shared along the episode. They’re just resonating with every word of it. Tell us, how can they get a copy of your book and and where can they find more out about you in the work that you do?
Jennifer Nash
Sure, so if they’d like to get a copy of the book, they can go anywhere they prefer to get their books. Some of the Barnes and Noble stores around the country are carrying it. Some of the ink by Hudson’s in different airports are carrying it. They can go online to Amazon and find it. They can find out more about me at my website, which is drjennifernash.com that’s Dr Jennifer nash
.com and also there, there is information about my new humans masterclass, which just launched. And so they can check that out and see if that might be something of interest for them.
Scott Ritzheimer
That’s very exciting. Well, Jennifer, thanks so much for being on the show. Just a privilege and honor having you here with us today, and for those of you watching and listening, you know your time and attention mean the world to us. I hope you got as much out of this conversation as I know I did, and I cannot wait to see you next time, take care.
Contact Jennifer Nash
Dr. Jennifer Nash is an executive advisor, leadership development consultant, and author who helps Fortune 50 organizations prioritize people to power performance. Jennifer earned her MBA from the University of Michigan and her PhD from Case Western Reserve University. She taught over 700 rising leaders at Deloitte University and is a Weatherhead School of Business research fellow. She serves as an Executive, Leadership, and Career Coach at the University of Michigan and is a fellow at the Harvard/McLean Institute of Coaching. Dr. Nash’s work is published in Harvard Business Review, LinkedIN, and select academic journals.
Want to learn more about Jennifer Nash’s work at Jennifer Nash Coaching & Consulting? Check out her website at https://drjennifernash.com/
Podcast Booking Status: Open
We are looking for podcast guests, and we want to share your story.
Are you a coach, consultant, or advisor for entrepreneurial organizations? If so, let’s do a great show together – and we can promote you to our audience on all our social media channels, website, and email list.