In this social episode, Rob Giardinelli, Founder of Event Mindset, shares how he, as an introvert, has mastered attending events and helping others create the most impactful events. If you’re an introvert who struggles to embrace and enjoy social situations, or you lead introverts on your team and want to know how to unlock the power of an introvert, you don’t want to miss this episode.
You will discover:
– How to begin and end any conversation with ease
– Why introverts and extraverts need each other, and what happens if you get the balance wrong
– The superpower every introvert has, whether they know it or not
Episode Transcript
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome, once again to the secrets of the high demand coach podcast. And here with us today is event mindset founder Rob Giardinelli, who is an introvert and has spent the past 15 years attending over 2000 businesses, social events and networking events. Before this, Rob spent 16 years in the technology industry in various national and global, client facing roles. Along the way, he’s learned that the key to any successful event is having a mix of introverts and extroverts. And Rob founded event mindset to empower others to realize that they do not have to be the life of the party to belong, make a positive impact and have fun at business social or networking events. He’s here with us today. Rob, I have to confess, for a lot of our listeners, they’ll know this, but maybe it might be new for some of them. I am an introvert who makes a living talking to people. It’s what I found myself doing. I love it wears me out. But I was fascinated by your site and some of what I got to explore getting leading up to this, I want to start with a question for introverts like myself, looking at someone who is an introvert as well, how do you find yourself in 2000 social events and not just like spontaneously combusting right on the spot?
Rob Giardinelli
Well, first, thank you for having me, Scott. And seconds, that’s a great question. So you know, I’ve learned along the way. And really the secret, and you said it in the intro, is, is that an event needs to have a mix of introverts and extroverts, and my husband and I, basically, my husband has run social and luxury lifestyle publications for the past two decades. So when I first got together with him, I kind of was that person that was thrown in as an introvert, thrown into the deep end of the pool without a life jacket, and kind of had to figure it out and find find a way to swim to shore. And what I realized very quickly on, I would say, within two months of starting to go to events, so maybe, like 20 or 30 events in I realized that as an introvert, my power was, my power of actually not talking, wow. And that power is, is that if you ask questions, people will respond, and people love to talk about themselves. I am AMA. I mean, I am amazed at what people will share with me, if they whether they’ve known me for five minutes, five months or five years, it is just amazing what people will share if you ask questions and act engage.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, I love that. What are some because social anxiety? I mean, it can be almost crippling. I know it’s something that I’ve actually struggled with quite a bit. And what would you say? And working with others, are some of the stories that we tend to tell ourselves when we’re feeling that anxiety?
Rob Giardinelli
The first is, is that I don’t belong here because I’m not charismatic, and I’m not the life of the party. And I always like to say, and I work with with my clients on this a great event, is like Earth and Earth, and in earth, you need the right amount of oxygen in the space for everyone to thrive and survive. And if you have an event with, let’s say, 200 people, and you’ve got 200 introverts, there is no oxygen in the room, and when there’s no oxygen, you have these beautiful, lovely plants, and your plants are going to die. And if you have 200 extroverts in a room, there is too much oxygen in the room, and everyone knows what happens when you put too much oxygen in a confined space, it winds up becoming a real housewives episode real fast, because you’re going to get a confrontation, you’re going to get an argument, you’re going to get those things. And what I you know, what you really want to do is have a mix of both. So check that social anxiety at the door. The extroverts need someone to talk to because if everyone’s an extrovert, they wind up talking. I find that they’ll wind up talking over each other. I find that most of the people who, if I know certain people, don’t like one another, and just because I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for a long time, I know who does and who doesn’t like each other. And I get that most people don’t have that that much advanced knowledge, but usually it will be two alphas just don’t mesh well together, or two betas will feel like they just one of them accidentally offended the other, and people wind up feuding. So that difference in energy actually is really helpful. And the thing is, is that an extrovert usually will share lots of information, lots of valuable information, in lots of ways, and especially for founders, because I know that, you know, I read a study somewhere like 70% of CEOs are introverts. And with founders, it’s probably even a little bit of a higher rate. And you know, it is okay to ask and gather information, especially at an industry event, because. Is that’s really your power is you’re going to get more information than other people who are extroverts, because extroverts are great, but they’re not great information gatherers. They’re great information tellers. They’re great storytellers. It’s, it’s a very different thing. So when you’re when you’re struggling with social anxiety, just remember your power is your questions.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah. And I really want to kind of reinforce that, because there’s, I think a lot of times, a pressure, especially when extroverts are teaching how to deal with some of this, to just be more of an extrovert, as if being an extrovert is a more valid or noble way of life. Is that correct? Do we need to be more like extroverts? Or is there a way to be a less socially anxious introvert?
Rob Giardinelli
Again, the way to be less socially anxious, like I said, is really to just be present, act like you want to be there and ask engaging questions. If you act engaged and act interested, people will immediately think that you are more interesting just by being interested. And I’m glad you brought up the whole, you know, you know, do you have to be an extrovert? And is that the thing? And I actually work with quite a few organizations where we actually look at the entire organization, everyone within their group. And I don’t like using the word team, per se, because team is kind of you’re fixed in a role in a slot, and unfortunately, not unfortunately. Events don’t work that way. Things are very fluid, and things just can change on a dime. So what I will and what often happens, and this, I’ve actually seen this in instances where it actually lowers team morale. Because what will happen is, is that the leader of an organization will automatically send the most charismatic extrovert to something where, if you’re going to an industry event, you want information you’re not, you know, if you’re going to a football game where it’s all about, you know, high fives and all that, yeah, you may want to send the extrovert into that event. But if it’s an industry conference where it’s about intelligent intelligence gathering, you want to understand the latest industry trends. You want to understand what your competitors are doing or what your clients are doing. And introvert is, in a lot of cases, is actually a better person to send, because they’re going to come back with more information. And one thing, one thing a lot of companies struggle with, is a lot of them think events are a waste of time, and part of that is is because of the way that they look at them, they’re looking at them as a chore to check off a box, as opposed to an opportunity where you can gap it gather information. Yes, you can grow your sales and, yes, you can get more clients, but it’s the information that you have to go get more clients is just as valuable.
Scott Ritzheimer
Right, right? You kind of brought up this, this concept of leadership and being strategic with it inside of a decision making environment, you got a group of people need to make decisions together. We’re debating issues. What’s the role of a leader in, kind of orchestrating a team of extroverts and introverts?
Rob Giardinelli
So it’s understanding that each of them brings something unique and special to the table, and understanding what that is, and often what, and I’ve done this with a few clients, is if they’ve got the opportunity to send two people to something, or the opportunity to come up with something, I’ll pair, I’ll take have an introvert and an extrovert go, because that way they can kind of bounce off each other, and the energy balances and like, I’ll use myself as an example for this, I think one of the reasons that my husband and I get invited to so many things is because he is the textbook extrovert and I am the textbook introvert, and because we have those different energies, people don’t feel threatened, because if we were Both introverts, we’d be that boring couple in the corner. If we were both extroverts, we probably take attention away from the event host. Or if you’re at an industry conference, you know the vendor host, when you have both of those energies and both people want to be there. And that’s really the thing, is you want to make your extroverts and introverts, whether it’s a meeting within within your organization, or something more broadly, like an event. When you bring that energy and people want to be there, people pick up on that. And if you’re an introvert who looks like you want to be there, people will actually come up to you and actually start talking to you. If you have that presence that you want to be there, as opposed to just the anxiety, you know, the anxiety and tucking away in a corner.
Scott Ritzheimer
Right, right? So let’s kind of go back to introvert. They’re in now. They’ve decided they’re going to go to an event. They get there and they realize, I have no idea when it’s like a Ricky Bobby moment. I got no idea to do with my hands. Like, I don’t even know how to start like, how do you what are some tips you’d give for how to start a conversation well.
Rob Giardinelli
So this is what I recommend, especially for really, if you go to an event where, even if you’re an extrovert, if you go to an event where you don’t know anybody, or you don’t think you’ll know anybody, I basically have a three step process that I guide people through. The first. Is when you arrive. And I do this in every room I walk in, I scan the room, and I scan for, where are all the bars, where are the event activations? Where’s the event photographer? Where are the restrooms? And yes, where is the corner? Where is the quiet corner of the room? Because even in a packed room, there is always a quiet space. I don’t know how or why, people tend to avoid a certain space that if you want to recharge, you can, and I had mentioned, you know, scanning the bar. So what I recommend people do, especially if they’re introverts, is you, let’s say you see five bars, go to the bar with the longest line, stand in that line, talk to the person in front of you or the person behind you. And in fact, at one of the events I went to this past weekend, I did that, so I talked to the person in front of me. And it wasn’t right when I got there, but I was like, you know this? I was like, You know what? I’m just going to chat with this person and just see where it leads me. And I introduced myself. They introduced themselves. I live in Austin, and I was actually up in Dallas, and we were chatting, and in the two minute conversation, we had a mutual friend in common that we both known for 20 years, but had never met one another. And it came up just very organically. I said, I’m from Austin, and you know, I’m writing, you know, I’m writing an event, you know, about this event that I’m here for? And because of that, they were like, Okay, this person’s on the scene. They may know my friend who’s a restaurant owner, so they asked, and I did. I went to their shower, he went to their wedding, like and it was just we but yet we had never met one another, so you never know where it’s going to take you. And I always tell founders and really anyone in a business context, the goal of that first conversation when you’re in that line with that person, is not about getting a business card or getting a meeting. It’s about getting yourself comfortable. And the fact is, that person that I talked to this weekend, I didn’t get their contact information. And I will say I’ve probably done that eight or 900 times, probably at least over the years, and I’ve maybe gotten two business cards out of it. That’s not really the goal. It’s about making yourself comfortable so that you can have that next conversation with that confidence and that I want to be here, energy, that people you know, that people are naturally drawn to whether or not you’re an extrovert or an introvert.
Scott Ritzheimer
Right fast forwarding through, I had a great conversation. Maybe you’ve got a real talker. They want to keep it going. It’s time to move on. How do you end the conversation well?
Rob Giardinelli
So there’s a lot of different ways to do this. And what I always like to say is, if you’re in a room with 200 people, you should really never be talking to anybody longer than five or 10 minutes. And you know, it is very appropriate, especially if you’re a founder in a business setting, to be you know what? I know that this is an event. We’ve both got lots of people we want to chat with. That’s great. But if you want to follow up, I never say, Can I get your information? I say, Can we exchange? Because when you say, Can we exchange, it immediately becomes two way, because if I can get yours that’s one sided, and people will naturally seize up, but if it’s can we exchange, I just found that people have gotten a lot further when they just go from I and you to we. It makes it more collective, and it makes it more engaging for both sides.
Scott Ritzheimer
I love that. I love that. Rob, there’s a question I like to ask all my guests. I’m gonna fire it your way here as well. What would you say is the biggest secret that you wish wasn’t a secret at all? What’s that one thing you wish everybody watching or listening today knew?
Rob Giardinelli
I wish, whatever I wish everyone truly believed that there is a place for them at an event, you are invited there for a reason. Going to an event is a privilege, and event guest lists are selective and they change. So if you were invited or asked to be there, there is a reason for it, and standing your confidence with that not Oh, my God. Why am I invited to this? You’re there for a specific reason. And I found, you know, with some of the top, you know, I had the good fortune of being at events hosted by some of the top, you know, entertainers in the world. I know I’m there because I’m an introvert, and I own that, and it’s okay, because they know that. They know that I will talk to other people, I will allow them to be the center of attention, but I will also get lots of information that I can go and share or keep to myself, depending on how sensitive it is, and building that trust and rapport with others.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, excellent, excellent. There’s some folks listening, and they’ve just loved what they heard. They’d love to have you come and talk with their team, or even do some coaching with them, one on one. What are some ways that they can reach out, find more about you and the work that you do?
Rob Giardinelli
so you can go visit my website eventmindset.com, and on there, I have a cheat sheet basically called six ways to gracefully exit any conversation. So it gives various types of scenarios that you can use in a personal or professional context. One thing that I have found is is that the lines, especially since it’s on a social media, the lines of personal and professional do get blurred sometimes. So this is really something you can use in all context. You can email me at [email protected], or you can find me on Instagram @RobGiardinelli and the same for LinkedIn as well.
Scott Ritzheimer
Fantastic, Rob. Thanks so much for being on the show. Loved. Love this conversation. What you’re doing to help folks and building better events with more engaging conversations. Thanks for being here. Really appreciate it. And for those of you watching and listening, you know that your time and attention mean the world to us, I hope you got as much out of this conversation as I know I did, and I cannot wait to see you next time. Take care.
Contact Rob Giardinelli
Event Mindset Founder Rob Giardinelli is an introvert who has spent the past 15 years attending over 2,000 business, social, and networking events. Before this, Rob spent 16 years in the technology industry in various national and global client-facing roles. Along the way, he has learned that the key to any successful event is having a mix of introverts and extroverts. Rob founded Event Mindset to empower others to realize that they do not have to be the life of the party to belong, make a positive impact, and have fun at business, social, or networking events.
Want to learn more about Rob Giardinelli’s work at Event Mindset? Check out his website at https://eventmindset.com/
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