In this powerful episode, Peter Awad, Founder of White Stone Coaching, shares 5 secrets that will help you become a better leader overnight. If you know deep down that your leadership skill is a limiting factor in your growth but also feel overwhelmed at how to improve, you’ll find a simple but powerful path toward the breakthrough you want and need.
You will discover:
– How to ensure you are always growing at the right pace
– How to find the balance between supporting and challenging your team
– The power of peace to transform any circumstance
Episode Transcript
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome once again to the secrets of the high demand coach podcast. And here with us today is yet another high demand coach in the one and only, Peter Awad, who is the founder of Whitestone coaching. He’s also a husband and father of four nearly teenagers, I believe, and is scary to think about. He’s also a five time founder and leadership coach. He’s passionate about coaching Christian businessmen to break through their leadership ceiling, discover unknown barriers and emerge with actionable insights for sustained personal and professional growth. Well, Peter, I’m super excited to have you on the show. We’ve had a chance to chat just briefly a time or two before, and you’re one of those people that I think we just see the world very similar in a lot of ways. So welcome to the show. Usually with our show, toward the end of the show, I’ll ask a question that goes something like this, what would you say is the biggest secret you wish wasn’t a secret at all? What if it what is you know that one thing you want everybody to listening to know. However, with you after, as I was researching this, I came across, I believe, five different secrets that you want everyone to know. So you’ve got to guide five secrets to becoming a better leader overnight. And I’m wondering if we could just unpack some of these secrets because I thought they were phenomenal. So let’s start off. Secret number one, how do you find the right balance between support and challenge? I love this. I hope there’s an easy answer. What have you got?
Peter Awad
I think first, it’s about knowing your tendency. Scott, it’s like knowing are you, is support easier for you? Is challenge easier for you? Right? We call that a protective leader that’s got a lot of support, not a whole lot of challenge, or dominating leader. Challenge is easy, but support’s tough, so knowing that of yourself is first and foremost, because you’re like, oh, okay, challenge comes easy. Challenge comes easy. For me, it’s a support that’s difficult, and then what does that support look like for that person that’s on the other side of you? And so first knowing yourself so you can lead yourself, then knowing who’s across the seat from you. And the thing is that, you know you mentioned children, and for those that have children out there, you’ve got one kid that leans a swift kick in the rear, and that’s what challenge looks like for him or her, right? And you got another kid that you look at him sideways, they start to cry. And so knowing your team the way you would know intimately your children, and knowing what support and challenge looks like for them, knowing what’s easy for you, then you can calibrate it to them. And so for me, I’ll use myself as the whipping boy here. It’s like, challenge is easy, no problem. I’m all challenged, right? Support is difficult. So then knowing Scott on the other side of me and be like, Man, this dude, he needs some tools. This guy needs some time with the leader. This gal needs X, Y and Z, and understanding that, then you can calibrate it to that person and become what we call liberating leader, right? And so the thing is, is that people being liberated. What that’s going to mean is that you giving them the tools they need, the support and the challenge so they can level up, so they can unlock what’s inside of them that, you know is there, but they’re not really sure yet. So that’s what that would look like.
Scott Ritzheimer
I love that. So let’s say you’re you’re one of those that lean on the side of dominating. You’re easier with challenge than support. What are some signs that folks can look for or some times when it’s common for your team to need more support?
Peter Awad
Yeah. So here’s the things, understanding yourself and understanding where you come up short, understanding if you’ve got a tendency towards domination or challenge, however you want to look at it, you start to it’s not really seeing things in them. It’s more so in yourself. So for myself, I can find myself getting frustrated. And then I call this the fork in the road moment, right? This is where Peter 2.0 can show up, or Peter 1.0 can show up. So I’ll find myself getting really frustrated. And instead of going down that path, which is what’s natural for me, I’m gonna ask myself the question is, what have I missed here? Yeah, where are they falling short? Because I’m falling short. And then when you pause, because I’ve always, I’ve always thought like, man, if there was a patient version of me that would be amazing, right? And that patient version of me would be like that half second pause where I could catch those words before they come flying out my mouth, right? And for me, that fork in the road, that pause, that question is, Where have I fallen short of the leader? Where am I responsible for this, and when you ask yourself that question, you’ll actually zoom out just for a second. Be like, whoa. Hold on. A second. I communicated poorly. I didn’t provide the support, the tools they needed. And you start to ask yourself those questions, and you’ll see it, or you won’t. You’re like, Wait a minute. No, no. We’ve gone through this before, and this is where the. Challenge is actually appropriate. And I actually had a situation like that this morning where it’s like, Wait, I don’t know. I’ve given this important challenge. This person’s not stepping up, and now they need to know it in that way. And so it’s really, it’s more introspective, if that makes sense.
Scott Ritzheimer
It does. One of the temptations of the more protective leadership, so I come across is to mistake the goal of making their team’s life easier for the, I think, more powerful will of making them better. And so I think, to put it in your language, it’s how to challenge them. How to challenge them effectively. And so for that protective leader, what are some again, either signs or times that maybe they need, you need to give a little more challenge.
Peter Awad
Yeah, very, very good question. Here’s what’s interesting about a protective leader. Typically, they are the nurturers or the connectors, using our language, right? And a connector has to ask themselves, am I more concerned with being liked than being the leader. And because a lot of times, like, Wait, this feels yucky, right? Or a protective leader has worked for a dominating leader, leader before, and they’re like, I definitely don’t want to look like that. Yes, man, Peter, that guy worked with him. He was awful. I don’t want to look anything like that. And so instead they overcorrect. And when your natural tendency is to protect, and then you’ve got a history of working for a dominator, you’re going to overcorrect. And you don’t even want to bring challenge. You want nothing that looks like it, right? So instead, you ask yourself that question, am I trying to be liked, or am I trying to lead? Yeah, right. And so you’ll see those situations. Is, well, here’s what’s really interesting. Is protection, actually, it breeds mistrust. And when you first hear that, you’re like, that doesn’t sound right. That’s some kind of counterintuitive or strange. What happens is, is when Scott’s trying to protect, or Peter’s trying to protect, and someone’s missed the Friday deadline, third time in a row, you’ll say, That’s okay, don’t worry about it. How does Monday sound? And they’re like, Yeah, I can do it on Monday. Well, when they come in on Monday, Scott did it on Saturday, right? And then they’re like, Wait, how come? Oh, don’t worry about it, man. I was here on Saturday. I just knocked it out for you. No big deal when, really, it was a really big deal. And then it comes to review time, and it’s not so pretty, and they’re confused. You’re like, you know, all those times I said it was okay, actually it wasn’t. I was kind of keeping track, and it’s really bothering me. I know, like, Why didn’t you tell me? Why? The truth is, you you couldn’t or you didn’t want to, and so that breeds them mistrust. And so asking yourself that question, am I trying to be liked, or do I want to be a leader here and and calling yourself up to bring that challenge when it’s necessary. And you’ll know deep down, you’re like, This is the third time I this is really making me frustrated, and speaking out about it and doing it in a really calm, cool and collected way. And you could ask them the same question you ask yourself, which I presented earlier, which was, what, what have I not given to you? Exactly that is causing this to happen? Where am I failing you? And they’re going to have to say, nowhere. Actually, I’m the one. Okay, I just want to make sure you got everything you need, because we can’t miss another Friday. Scott, we’re not a problem.
Scott Ritzheimer
And that clarity, it’s especially for that type of leader, could be terrifying the first couple of times, especially, you know, but yes, it’s when you look back at it. Folks who navigate this well, particularly the more protective types, when they’re willing to step into that danger zone, it creates this fantastic opportunity for life change for your team members. It’s those difficult moments that folks will remember five and 10 and 20 years later, and thank you for it, but it takes the bravery to step into that. Wanna jump it extremely uncomfortable. Yes, I wanna jump into secret number two here, productivity or life. What’s that all about?
Peter Awad
So there’s a phrase we use about being over productive and under present. And a lot of these really hit home for me, because we can be so focused on getting the job done and so in the mode of checking things off the list that we forget to live and we forget to be present. And so there are definitely people in your life, people in mine, that I’m like, Man, if I could just be that present with people and not let other things bother me, I’d be such a better person, right? But the issue is a lot of us that are hard chargers, a lot of us that are in the driver’s seat of our business. We tend to be what we call over productive and under present, meaning, we take that tool that’s caused us to get things done and then we misappropriate them. We misapply them. Yeah, and so understanding that life needs a different drum beat in different situations. Conversations that you’re not bringing that productivity home, when really you should be doing Legos with Johnny or Jane, right? Yeah. And so I’ve actually got a really bad habit that I’ve worked towards being much, much better at. It’s like my kids know if dad comes downstairs to have lunch, he’s going to be doing it on a phone call, eating a sandwich over the trash can, because he’s in a hurry, right? And they better get it out quick, right? Or he’s not going to listen. He’s not going to hear it, right? And so that right there is a misappropriation. And so having that drum beat, having what we call gears in life, where you’re like, dude, I’m in fifth gear and I’m focusing, but that’s for a specific segment in time of my day, but then second gear mode, where I’m gonna deeply Connect. I’m taking my Apple watch off, and I’m gonna turn my phone on airplane mode, and I’m just gonna be hanging out doing a puzzle with one of my kids. Yeah, or I’m gonna have first gear where I’m like, filling myself up in the morning when it’s quiet at 5am doing my Bible reading time and my journaling time, right? And my thinking time, my praying time, yeah, so those types of things and so really analyzing your day and understanding, like, hold on, this is chaotic. It’s all in one gear. There’s actually no plan. I’ve got leaders that look at my calendar like, dude, do you have sleep on there. I’m like, Of course I do. Like, you have to you have coffee time with your wife on here? Of course I do. Yeah. And so asking yourself, for the listener, asking themselves that this question, it’s like, hold on, you’ve got meetings on your calendar for people that you maybe don’t even like or you don’t know, or your family, or is it time for yourself? And so when someone tells me what the priorities are, I’m like, Okay, open your calendar and see where that is. Priorities are. They nowhere to be found. So hopefully that’s helpful there, too.
Scott Ritzheimer
So good, so good. It leads directly into secret number three, and how does your piece measure up? Because if you don’t have some sort of control over all that chaos, if you’re constantly letting your calendar overrun you, if you’re constantly chasing at 100 miles an hour, as opposed to, you know, walking at times at that you know, three miles an hour, which is just agonizing. It’s virtually impossible to walk in peace. So why is peace so important? And you have, you make an interesting point in the guide, that it’s multifaceted as well. So it does more.
Peter Awad
Yeah, so we call this the Peace Index, and it sees five different P’s in your life, right? So, purpose, place, provision, personal, health, people, right? And taking a measurement of that, and I like to make the analogies, like a lot of us are driving around check engine lights on, but if anybody on here has driven an old jalopy, you’re like, you know how to make the check engine light go to where you put a tape, piece of tape over it, right? So a lot of us are driving around with check engine lights on, but we’ve got tape over it. We’re not paying attention. And so if you are regularly, and it doesn’t need to be that crazy, could be quarterly. Just take a measurement of these five P’s in your life. Like, how are you on purpose? Like, zero to 100% how’s that going? Yeah, people in your life. How’s your provision finances? How are they in order, your personal health? How is that your place? Are you digging where you’re living, your home and your locale? How’s that going? And then taking those and divided by fives, like, what’s that percentage? Is it a 20% are you at a 99 like, how’s it going? Because what gets measured gets managed. We bought we all know that Peter Drucker quote, right? But it’s like paying attention to those things. Because I think the issue that makes me really frustrated about myself and other people, it’s like, man, we’re really unsatisfied, but for of what? What exactly like, you’re unhappy? Why? What is it? And so I run into people constantly that are very dissatisfied. Their dissatisfaction is very high. But when I start asking questions about vision, they got nothing. And it’s like, Wait, hold on. You know when there’s when there’s a really high dissatisfaction and your vision’s low? That’s a person that’s stuck. They’re spinning. Their wheels are stuck in the mud. They just don’t know what to do. They have no natural next steps, yeah, but someone who’s super dissatisfied, but, man, their Vision’s really, really high, and they’re like, I don’t like this, but I know where I’m going. That delta is where natural Next Steps Get derived. You know you’re like, it might take me 10 years, but, man, I put one foot in front of the other. I know what I’m doing, but you can’t do that when you don’t really know. You’re like, Oh, if your place is off, okay, cool. Let’s get let’s move, man, let’s, let’s talk about it. How do we get you there? Is it going to take 10 years? That’s okay, because the thing is, is where you start to see satisfaction, where you start to have peace, is when you you’re like, I don’t know where I’m I don’t like where I’m at, but I know where I’m going, and it’s going to take me a while, but I’m getting there. I’m. On my way, but when you don’t know where you need to go, check engine lights covered up, navigation is broken. Man, that’s that’s the most frustrating, stuck in the mud sort of feeling. So measuring that piece is critically important.
Scott Ritzheimer
I love to, just as an exercise, you know, asking this question, saying, Now, right? Because there’s a few different challenges. What kind of, well, I’ve got my purpose. I went through, you know, my full day session with Peter and his team, you know, like, we’ve done something in the past, and we’ve just been banking on it for months and weeks or years and or the opposite side of that is, yeah, I’ve got purpose, but it’s way out in the future, and I don’t feel like I’m really attached to it at all right now. So I love going through those having an opportunity to just ask yourself, hey, take inventory. How am I doing right now? Such a big, big deal. I want to jump here, just for the sake of time, into secret number four. And secret number four is a question, what’s your 70% so what’s the 70% Why is it so important?
Peter Awad
Yeah, yeah. So this is, this is a cool tool man called 7030 and it’s a measurement of your unconscious competence and your conscious competence. Okay, explain what those mean, your unconscious competence, what you were put on this earth to do. Nobody needs to tell Scott to dig in on XYZ. You do it anyways, because you love it when it comes natural to you, and you just, like, naturally get better at it, because it’s just, you love it. It’s your superpower. Your conscious competence is something you have to become consciously competent, and meaning you’re like, dude, the bookkeeping don’t really like it, but I need to know what these numbers mean, right? This software. Don’t like it, but I got to learn how to use it because it’s necessary to keep the wheels on. And so what’s cool about 7030 it’s healthy balance of conscious competence and unconscious competence. Now, why is that? So I’ll give you an example your life, your business life. Super frustrating. You do a 7030 analysis, you’re like, dude, I’m flip flopped. I’m 3070 spending a ton of time, and my conscious competence, stuff that I hate, I’m gonna do what the gurus tell me, Delegate everything right? Then you go 100 zero or 99 one, and it’s great, and then the wheels fall off, and you’re like, What the heck I did? What they told me to do? It’s because there’s certain things in your business, and you know what those are for you that you do not like, but they’re necessary guard rails in order to keep the trains running on time, yeah, to keep the P and L in check, whatever that is for you may not need to do the bookkeeping. You got to manage a bookkeeper. You’re going to meet with her once a week, or him once a week. And you know, you need to know what KPIs to measure. And so it’s a healthy balance of the things that you are put on this earth to do and the things that are necessary as leadership and leadership to keep the trains running on time, and that’s what you need to do an analysis on. And again, you measure it, and you’re like, it’s way off. Okay, now you need to put a plan in place to get yourself on track, to get that balance to right right sides to may take you six months. It may take you two years. Doesn’t really matter, as long as you know that you’re on track to get there, or, you know, it’s a temporary thing, right? We’re in grind mode. We’re doing this. It’s a sprint, and you keep measuring to make sure that that sprint doesn’t turn into a marathon, doesn’t turn into your life, right?
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unreal. Such. There’s so many different places we could go at this. I’ve loved the conversation so far, we’ve got five different secrets, but we’re gonna, we’re gonna put number five here on hold and not on hold. But if you want to get access to number five, you got to get the guide. So sure. How can folks get a copy of of your guide and find out what secret number five is?
Peter Awad
Yeah, appreciate that, man. So they could text the word white stuff, the two words white stone, 255444, and they’ll get opted in, and they’ll get the guide, plus they’ll get some bonuses via email. So those are free. That’s the best way to get that. And if they want to reach out to us, man, they go to Whitestonecoach.com, forward slash call, and we can hop on a call and discover what their desired outcomes are, and if we’re the right fit, or if there’s someone in our network that’s better, we’ll refer them out. So it’s what we love to do, man, it’s what we were put on this earth to do.
Scott Ritzheimer
Fantastic. Peter, thanks so much for being on thank you so much for sharing your secrets with us here today. It was a privilege and honor finally getting to hit record on one of our conversations. This is ton of fun. Loved having you here, man, and for those of you watching and listening, you don’t your time and attention mean the world to us, I hope you got as much out of this conversation as I know I did, and I cannot wait to see you next time. Take care.
Contact Peter Awad
Peter Awad, Founder of White Stone Coaching, is a husband and father of four. He is also a five-time founder and leadership coach. He is passionate about coaching Christian Businessmen to break through their leadership ceiling, discover unknown barriers, and emerge with actionable insights for sustained personal and professional growth.
Want to learn more about Peter Awad’s work at White Stone Coaching? Check out his website and get a copy of his guide, 5 Secrets to Becoming a Better Leader Overnight, at https://whitestonecoach.com/, or text “white stone” to 55444.
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